Trapped in a hell of my own creation

WARNING: extreme negativity in following post. proceed with caution.

"Desire...

Desire is life.

He who desires not, lives not.

But desire...

Desire is the mother of despair...

And despair is kin to death..."

I should have been polishing off the design of this blog (once again), so that finally, I would be able to post my much ballyhooed first entry. Instead, there I was, mired in an overwhelming sea of misery. Events once again conspired to bring my carefully constructed ivory tower crashing to the ground.

[An unexpected arrival...]

Instead of joy at the thought of being able to catch up with one who was very, very dear to me, what I experinced instead was the cold, cold pain of a rejection much feared. Instead of the possibility of happiness, it was on the imagined certainty of failure that my mind was focused upon. Why is it that we allow others to have such power over us as this?

Desires granted bring us great pleasure, but desires frustrated pain us more...

What is life without hope?

[An unexpected departure...]

Well... she has gone now. Without even so much as a simple hello, or a bittersweet goodbye... it seems I wasn't wrong to dread her presence...

Maybe someday I might finally be able to write that first post...